Why Don’t Self Help Books Work for Me?
February 11, 2008
The irony of today is that we live in a world of massive information on dieting, nutrition, fitness, and emotional management, yet we’re more overweight, have more nutritionally related illness, and are more anxious and depressed then ever before.
Did you ever wonder why with all of the millions of books, tapes, programs, etc. on physical and mental health being sold on T.V., web-sites, bookstores, and malls we’re failing more than any other time in recorded history to be healthy physically or mentally?
To help describe the problem, imagine a race car driver building the most powerful engine available, but sticking it in one of those big family vans that also has tires that are 18 years old. The point; there may be power in the engine but the foundation isn’t set to use it effectively. In fact, at high speeds, the wheels just come off - or even blow.
Our lives lack the structure and foundation necessary to effectively implement and carry out -long term - the information we receive. Nothing is wrong with the programs out there. While one book or CD may war against the next, they probably both have benefits. In fact, the claims that are being made are really just good marketing to make you think -THIS IS THE ONE! The truth is, you can’t just drop the next idea or plan into your current life culture and expect to see different results. If you want life to sprout up, you’ve got to make sure there is fertile ground. If the way you live your life is not a breeding ground for success, changing books and theories isn’t the answer. The foundation just isn’t there and if you just try harder the wheels may just explode on you.
HERE ARE 4 THINGS YOU HAVE TO BE AWARE OF AND IN FACT, CHANGE, IF THERE’S HOPE FOR ONE OF THOSE BOOKS ON YOUR SHELF TO WORK FOR YOU:
1. WE’RE INFORMED BEYOND OUR LEVEL OF DISCIPLINE
In the classic movie Karate Kid, when Mr. Miaggi asked Danielsan if he was ready to start his Karate training the boy answered, “I guess so.” Mr. Miaggi explained that if you walk on the right side of the road -fine. If you walk on the left side of the road -fine. But, if you walk down the middle -squish. Not fine.
If you want to learn Karate -fine. If you don’t want to learn Karate -fine. If you “guess so’ -squish. Not fine.
We’ve got to learn what it takes to honor our commitments. To understand what it means to maturely develop discipline enough to finish what we started. Either don’t begin or complete what you set out to accomplish.
The importance of our bodies goes beyond our current level of awareness. That is to say, we unconsciously make decisions about what we put in and do with our bodies every day. If you consciously decide to down some junk food a couple of times/week as a means of really taking a vacation from your mature commitment to your health that’s fantastic. If when overwhelmed with pain, you make a conscious decision to use a medication, all the while considering why those symptoms may exist and what must be done to correct the situation, that’s fine. However, if you unconsciously consume refined, packaged, fast foods and carbohydrates consistently and pop pills and slug down caffeine just to subdue hunger, fatigue, and symptoms consistently it’s a child-like way of handling your life. Children make decisions out of no remorse for the future.
Your body is important to God, the people you serve, and the family who cares about you. To disregard it is to show contempt for the people who care. I’m committed to my body not so much for me as I don’t want to widow my wife, leave my kids while they still badly need their father, and fall short of my purpose and all that God has called me to do. You are a V.I.P. to a whole lot of people including yourself.
2. WE’RE INFORMED BEYOND OUR EDUCATION
We have more information than we can understand how to implement. In other words, we’ve got just enough knowledge to be dangerous and little enough education to really get any where.
3. WE HAVE MORE STRESS THEN OUR NERVOUS SYSTEMS ARE CAPABLE OF HANDLING
I first started hearing the term “stress” back in the late eighties. At the time, it was sort of an abstract term for challenges and people were just starting to blame things like their bad backs, headaches, or foul moods on “stress.” In 1994, I taught college Anatomy & Physiology. At the time, I was amazed to find that in a college text book, the chapter on stress was the largest chapter. It turns out; stress isn’t just an ethereal word, but a very concrete, real thing with very specific, negative effects on your body.
When you’re experiencing negative stress, your body prepares for battle. It’s called the “fight or flight” response. During this 911 response, your nervous system goes into overdrive and sends energy and blood supply rushing to your extremities and away from your organ systems. Fight or flight was designed for the occasional need to protect yourself from your enemies or perform physically at appropriate times throughout your life. It wasn’t meant to be an every day, all day experience.
By going through life with an ever present sense of urgency, anxiety, or stress, your vital organs are not getting the energy and blood they need to heal, grow, thrive, and survive because it’s all in your parts needed for fighting or running. You’re virtually killing yourself. With your nervous system in a state of stress, it also kicks out stress hormones. In excess, these hormones cause advanced aging, weight gain, high cholesterol, high blood pressure, high blood sugar, arthritis, and further trauma to your nervous system.
The nervous system is the command center of the entire body. Ultimately, it is impossible to be balanced, be mentally stable, healthy, or to make good, sane, solid decisions with the ever-present 911 state your sensitive nervous system is constantly experiencing.
A “positive mental attitude” is not enough. Some stuff is too challenging, especially if it’s just problem after problem. You need to completely reprogram the way you look at life and learn how to reduce the amount of stress or have “stress prevention.”
3. WE’RE BUSIER THEN WE ARE SUCCESSFUL
Prior to leaving school and getting ready to work with patients, I never considered the issue of people always claiming to be “too busy” to deal with their problems. I suppose for a few years I bought this excuse until moving to Orlando to practice. In Florida, we take care of many retirees. Interestingly enough, my retirees started telling me the same thing that they also were, “too busy.” I’d think, “What? Do you have a board meeting or something? You’re retired!” It was then I realized how truly desperate and pervasive this idea of “busy -ness” really was.
The question “Too busy doing what?” is a good one. If we’re sicker, fatter, and more depressed with higher divorce rates and more financial problems then ever, then what are we so busy doing? Clearly, we’re busier than we are successful!
Proper time management is key. If time is always spent on what is urgent, then what will you always have -urgency. Rather, plan time for what’s important. You don’t find success in any area of life -you plan it. Living right side up in an upside down world means making God, family, and health, your greatest priorities.
The future really relies on real commitments, an understanding of the importance of viewing life with respect to God’s plan and not our limited view of the present, and managing our lives in such a way that the things we’re committed to and the destiny we seek can rely on the foundation we’re developing.
A very helpful tool to put these things together is the book One Minute Wellness paired with the coaching and leadership of a good chiropractor.
Your Most Successful Year Yet - Serving Others, Part 5 of 5
February 3, 2008
When it comes to life, health, and happiness rarely is there a full proof, works 100% of the time solution. Sure, everyone says they’ve got "The" answer. Read my book, take my drug, swallow this herb and whammo; instant success. Unfortunately, a good percentage of people discover it was just good marketing.
There is, however, one method of bringing joy, peace, and ultimately success to your life that I have found works 100% of the time; SERVE.
The mission statement of the mythical Paradise of Camelot was, "By serving each other, we become free." Imagine a land where the welfare of the people around you is more important than you. Where would we be if all of us SERVED the person closest to us right now? Would anti-depressants be the leading medications sold today? Would there be homeless people? Starving people? Lonely people? War? Crime? It was an interesting world that King Arthur dreamed of and frankly, so do I.
Jesus said, "I came to the world to SERVE, not to be served." When given the option of having His feet washed, or doing the washing –He chose toe jam duty. The job usually reserved the SERVANTS.
Similarly, Rick Warren says, "You don’t get joy from having the goods….you get joy from being good and doing good." Or in other words, serving.
No one likes to hear this, but you’re obligated. There’s something you can do and something you know that obligates you to serve. With great power, comes great responsibility. If you’ve got more money than is necessary to meet your needs, then you’re obligated to help those who don’t have enough to meet theirs. If you have information about God, health, and functional relationships, then you’re obligated to help those that don’t know God, aren’t experiencing health, are living in a way that causes disease, or heading towards family crisis. It needs to be sound, well thought out help, but you’ve got a moral and ethical obligation to serve.
People are dying…before their time. Children are dying…or being set up for an early death. It’s being done with America’s radical overuse of medication, poor lifestyle, and severely degenerating spines and nervous systems.
How’s it done; drug company and junk food advertising has us all in a Full Nelson. They know our weaknesses, they’re smart, they’ve got money, and they make billions.
You know so please join our mission. Put other people first. SERVE, by bringing people to our classes and events and by getting people’s spine’s checked for damage.
"I don’t know what your destiny will be, but one thing I do know is the only ones among you who will be truly happy are those that have sought and found how to serve." Albert Schweitzer
Not because you should, but because you want to.
Your Most Successful Year Yet - The Counter, Part 4 of 5
February 1, 2008
After reading all of these articles on success you might be saying, "Great Dr. Ben, this might work for some people, but you don’t understand my situation.
As someone who wrestled competitively for 19 years, I understand completely what it’s like to be caught in a dangerous, painful condition that appears impossible to wriggle free from. If you’re tired enough, hurting enough, behind by enough points, and have been working hard to no avail, the thought of success can all but completely diminish –and stop even being a dream. In an exhausted, unmotivated, painful state, all that may seem reasonable at that point are antidepressants, alcohol, or a whole lot of sugar.
In wrestling there are certain positions or "holds" that you never want to find yourself in. Getting caught in a "cradle," a "guillotine," a "chicken wing," or being stuck on your back are all potentially dangerous, match ending states of affair. In fact, if your opponent is really good, it can seem like there’s no way out and a feeling of discouragement, despair, and that "All is lost" can come over you pretty quickly. However, the truth is, there’s always a way out. That’s why many people have gotten out of these holds, fought off their back and come back to win the match. THEY KNEW HOW TO COUNTER.
As boxed in as you may feel now, whenever you may feel you’re at the end of your rope or the end, or if you come to a place where your sure a dream is no longer a reality, DON’T QUIT, COUNTER. "The Counter" is how you escape and come back from a compromising position. TO COUNTER:
1. Change your position: You have to be capable of seeing outside of your box of frustration and become aware of your blind spots. Death is in the blind spots. You can fit an invisible 18 wheeler in one. In the world of success, the illiterate are not people who can’t read or write, it’s those who can’t LEARN, UNLEARN, AND RELEARN.
The number one way to failure and completely stop any forward progress is the illusion that you "Already know." For example, U.S. families have the worst health of any other families in the world and Chiropractic families have the best health of anyone in the world. Yet, people keep being scared or hypnotized into following U.S. medicine?
….THINK, UNLEARN, RELEARN. (Ask yourself: "Is there anything we’ve been told about the benefits and safety of medicine that’s actually true?" Obviously not)
2. Pray for strength; A famous quote from the depression said, "Whenever I prayed to God to get me a chicken, I never got a chicken. But, when I prayed for God to give me the strength to catch a chicken, I always got me a chicken."
To hit a Counter, you’ve got to get mad instead of sad, use the fuel of failure as energy instead of despair, and muster up more strength than you believe you had. Your mind always quits before the body and God’s power is in endless supply. DON’T QUIT!
3. Purpose you would die for: When you first start wrestling, you stink at it and need to know a lot of counters. When I asked my coach how to get out of some of the more compromising positions he said, "If you want to get out, it’s got to be like you’re a drowning man trying to come up for air."
How bad do you want to win for God, your family, and to preserve your own life? We’re here to help coach you to victory, but you’ve got to want it bad enough.
Your Most Successful Year Yet - Consistency, Part 3 of 5
January 30, 2008
In the movie City Slickers, Billy Crystal and friends were burnt out, depressed, lost, and confused. Rather than Wellbutrin, Paxil, Prozac, or painkillers, they sought out the meaning of life the old fashioned way, they ran away from it all -leaving the city and going off to the farm hoping to find the meaning of life. On the farm they found Curly the Cowboy. Curly’s sense of peace and his air of confidence intrigued the over worked, over stressed city folk. When Billy Crystal inquired of the Cowboy how he could find the meaning of life, all Curly said was, "One thing." ……you know what, Curly was right.
The culture you’re living in isn’t working out. It isn’t working out at all. More than 60% are depressed, childhood illness and suicide have skyrocketed to historic, unparalleled measures, and we’re ranked last in the world in nearly all important categories of health. Clearly, we’re at a low point and it’s time to blow this Pop stand! Not the U.S. or South Carolina, get out of this culture that completely isn’t working out if you want to live well, or really, live at all. Where is good place to start? My findings are; there really is one key to life -CONSISTENCY. When I look back at areas in life where I have failed it can almost always be linked in some way to inconsistency. You may ask, if it’s so simple, then why do so many people struggle? Why are only 1 in 1000 healthy by age 60, why do we have such high levels of divorce, overwhelming financial crisis, childhood issues, and over 300 of those 1000 suffering clinical levels of depression. ANSWER: Very, very, few people in your culture are CONSISTENT. CONSISTENCY takes character. CONSISTENCY takes integrity. CONSISTENCY shows your heart and reveals whether or not you’re truly committed to the things of God. The honest, main reason I’m so CONSISTENT with the important things in life; prayer, family, nervous system care (adjustments, neck traction, head weighting), exercise, nutrition, and life purpose is that I’m looking to have a culture of Character and Integrity (CONSISTENCY) in my relationship with and in honoring God.
THE MEANING OF LIFE: HONOR GOD BY REACHING YOUR POTENTIAL.
You don’t want to be a poor steward of your body, your family, your time, or finances. Do that and you take your potential, rip it up, throw it on the ground, and spit on it. CONSISTENT. That one word, when properly applied, is the ONE THING. It makes you a good spouse, parent, bread-winner, and it especially brings you to your God-given health and happiness potential. If you’re inconsistent, thankfully, God has grace. However, you don’t want to shove that in His almighty face and act like He blinks or looks the other way as you ignore the rules of life by being inconsistent.
"Honor God (BE CONSISTENT) with your body" 1 Cor 6:20
Your Most Successful Year Yet - learning Focus, Part 2 of 5 - Dr. Ben Lerner
January 28, 2008
Two years ago I sold what was possibly the most successful Chiropractic clinic in the world. More than one person thought I was crazy (including my wife) and after 15 years of putting my blood, sweat, tears, passion, and compassion into the patients and staff; at times I’ve thought they might be right. The reason I moved on was that I’d begun writing books and consulting for hundreds of chiropractors around the world as well as many pastors and corporate people. As a result of this other work, I thought I could no longer be a strong practicing doctor, meet my responsibilities to my patients and staff as well as be there for my most important work as a husband and dad…. I was completely wrong. DO YOU WANT TO BE AN ULTRA-SUCCESS IN ‘07? Then you need to gain a better understanding of your most valuable asset -your ability to FOCUS. Your FOCUS is your edge…it’s worth millions of dollars and a lifetime of great health, a good marriage, and functional children. WHAT IS FOCUS AND HOW DO YOU PULL IT OFF REGULARLY? Understand the term FOCUS TIME. It’s not just time, its FOCUS TIME. If you allot even just a small amount of FOCUS to something, you get mega results. They talk about "Quality time" but what they really mean is FOCUS TIME. FOCUS TIME requires 3 things:
- Preparation: Before I put my hands on even one patient at 3:30pm Monday afternoon when the clinic opens, I spend a minimum of one hour preparing mentally and emotionally. To do this, I stop answering my cell phone, don’t check internet, won’t sign a check, run and errand, deal with a problem, wouldn’t consider radio or T.V., and I will read from the Bible and from inspirational material. I spend 30 minutes reviewing the names and files of patients coming in and have a team meeting before we open to gather our game plan and pray for the office, each other, and our patients…THEN I’M READY/FOCUSED. That’s why Lincoln said, If I had 5 hours to chop down a tree, I’d spend 4 hours sharpening the axe"
- Single-mindedness: When it’s family time, it’s family time. There’s a rule that we don’t talk about work, answer phones, or do activities apart from each other. I’m present body, mind, and spirit when it’s time designated to the job that that no one else in the world can do but me -husband and dad to my wife and kids. That’s why the Bible says, "A double minded man is evil in all his ways."
- Put your head down and work: Don’t be distracted. You’re OFF FOCUS when you either allow issues and concerns to invade your single-mindedness or you listen to critics or worse - that lying voice in your head that says, "I can’t, I won’t, I shouldn’t, I couldn’t, It won’t work, I don’t have to, etc, etc, etc. "That’s why Vince Lombardi said,is the result of caring more than others think is wise."
FOCUS YOUR EFFORTS: Work as hard as you can for as long as you can at ONLY the important things in your life: HEALTH, GOD, FAMILY, AND YOUR LIFE’S PURPOSE ……and let God take care of the rest.
Your Most Successful Year - "No Excuses", Part 1 of 5
January 26, 2008
DEFINITION OF SUCCESS: "Optimal wellbeing, satisfaction, and prosperity in the areas of relationships, finances, health, and congruency with purpose."
In the cult classic movie Blues Brothers, John Belushi runs into a woman he left at the altar (Carrie Fischer/Princess Leia) who’s got a gun to his head and wants to shoot him for ruining her life. His excuse, "It wasn’t my fault -I had a flat tire, there was a storm, a terrible flood, bees, and locust, IT WASN’T MY FAULT!" The worst part- she buys it.
During my freshmen year in high school I started on the wrestling team, but sadly lost my first few matches. Each time, I had a very, very good "Reason" why I’d lost until finally, my best friend and the best wrestler on the team said, "Those are just a bunch of excuses!" My reply, of course, was, "Those aren’t excuses, they’re really what happened." He answered, "I know, that’s what an excuse is." Years later, I was late to a 7am winter wrestling practice when I was going to college in Albany, NY. The drifts were 6 feet high and had buried the car we were taking. When we walked into the wrestling room the coach told us we had to start doing stair sprints as punishment for being late. Defending myself I yelled, "But coach, it took us half an hour to unbury our car!" (Everything after "But" is always an excuse by the way) His reply, "Winners don’t make excuses. . .you should’ve gotten started earlier." Next to what I’ve learned in the Bible, these were the 2 greatest life lessons I ever received. The bottom line is, if you want to be a success, you’ve got to develop the ability to MAKE IT HAPPEN . . .NO EXCUSES. Win or lose -IT’S YOUR FAULT! I’ve never met anyone with an easy, overnight success story. Nearly all of those that have accomplished the things we all want in life managed to make it happen in spite of, and not because of, the environment they experienced. They all have had to deal with 10 foot swells, turbulence, hurricanes, high winds, blizzards, and parched ground. The fact is, physical limitations, "bad luck," genetic shortcomings, crazy kids, hectic schedules, tough classes, bad bosses, ex-spouses, impolite neighbors, injustice, etc. are only EXCUSES if you’ve ever used them to explain why you haven’t "succeeded." To plug this office, I hear 20 times a day, "I couldn’t make my appointments because… (Place your favorite "Reason" here). The truth is, you don’t have any other options. If you want to prevent disease and early death, the foundation for that is on-time spinal correction and on-going retention of that correction. Disease accepts no EXCUSES and Health seeks only results! IF YOU STAY WELL OR GET SICK -IT’S YOUR FAULT. Refuse to allow your environment to determine your outcomes. TAKE FULL RESPONSIBILITY. If you want anything of substance to come into your life, you’ve got to decide at some point to never use outside circumstances as the "Reason" or EXCUSE, for why something is or isn’t happening. ‘WINNERS NEVER DO."
"Some ships sail east, some ships sail west, with the self-same winds that blow, ’tis the set of the sail and not the gale that determines which way they go."
Body by God - Happy New Year by You
January 15, 2008
To Have the Best Year Yet, Resolve Nothing
If you want to be negative, look down on yourself, and set yourself up for failure, the best thing to do is to make a New Year’s resolution. The act of setting a New Year’s resolution is basically to say “I am a big screw up, a bad person, and/or have no discipline so this year I swear to never do it again and to take on a whole new personality with a newer and better behavior.”
Nothing can be accomplished this way. Nothing. It says in the bible “Do not swear at all…Simply let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes’ and your ‘No’ be ‘No.’ If you want to create a new life, start moving in the right direction now and commit, do not resolve, to do anything.
Resolution vs. Commitment
Resolutions were made to be broken;
Commitments must be kept.Resolutions take only interest to make;
Commitments take integrity, courage, character and persistence.Resolutions end during tough or inconvenient times or when you say you are out of time;
Commitments make time, endure hardship and accept no excuses, only results.Resolutions are like tip toeing into a cold pool;
Commitments mean diving right in, taking the leap and going for it.Resolutions change with changing emotions;
Commitments are stronger than a particular feeling at a particular moment.Resolutions are easy to make;
Commitments, like anything worthwhile in life, are never easy.
If you take on a new behavior for 30 days, it will become a habit. Set a plan of action and then commit to executing it at the same time(s) every day. If you mess up, commit to getting back in the raft. DON’T QUIT! And NEVER say you do not have the time or desire. This is like saying you do not have the time or desire to fill your car up with gas when it is empty.
In the story of bacon and eggs…
The chicken resolved to help, but the pig was committed!
BE A PIG THIS YEAR, DON’T BE A CHICKEN.